Middle of the lake

I have always heard that having your third baby is the hardest.  I have found this to be true.  Not that Emmett is a hard baby, he is wonderful, its just hard to have three.

I now have more kids than parents in the family.

I have more kids than hands.

I have more kids than will comfortably fit in a sedan.

I apparently have more kids than my brain can handle.

Emmett is six months old today.  For the first four months of his life I felt like I was drowning in a way.  I was overwhelmed with appointments, therapies, play groups, homework, teacher conferences, dishes, laundry, cooking, showering....it seems as if the things that used to just come naturally were taking a lot more effort to figure out.

With some help from trusted friends and family, I have spent the last two months working on 'baling out' if you will.  I cut out a lot of stress in my life.  I have cut down to basics...and started showering again.

For the last three weeks or so I have been feeling so much better.  I feel like I can breathe again.  I have been able to enjoy my kids and feel like a real person again.

Now comes the tricky part.

Instead of drowning out in the middle of the lake, I have baled out, I am no longer sinking.  I am back above water.....but I'm still in the middle of the lake.  Doesn't a person need to have the joys and comforts of land as well as playing in the water?

Now it is time to figure out how much to add back in.  I must not get over excited and overdo it.  I might sink again if I'm not careful.  I've never felt so fragile in my life.  

The way I see it, I have a great opportunity.  I was lost, I forgot who I was.  I let myself be consumed.  Now I get to reinvent.  I get to figure out who I am and what I require to feel good.  With a paddle in my hand I am ready to get started and make my way to shore.

Heres to new beginnings.