I have always heard that having your third baby is the hardest. I have found this to be true. Not that Emmett is a hard baby, he is wonderful, its just hard to have three.
I now have more kids than parents in the family.
I have more kids than hands.
I have more kids than will comfortably fit in a sedan.
I apparently have more kids than my brain can handle.
Emmett is six months old today. For the first four months of his life I felt like I was drowning in a way. I was overwhelmed with appointments, therapies, play groups, homework, teacher conferences, dishes, laundry, cooking, showering....it seems as if the things that used to just come naturally were taking a lot more effort to figure out.
With some help from trusted friends and family, I have spent the last two months working on 'baling out' if you will. I cut out a lot of stress in my life. I have cut down to basics...and started showering again.
For the last three weeks or so I have been feeling so much better. I feel like I can breathe again. I have been able to enjoy my kids and feel like a real person again.
Now comes the tricky part.
Instead of drowning out in the middle of the lake, I have baled out, I am no longer sinking. I am back above water.....but I'm still in the middle of the lake. Doesn't a person need to have the joys and comforts of land as well as playing in the water?
Now it is time to figure out how much to add back in. I must not get over excited and overdo it. I might sink again if I'm not careful. I've never felt so fragile in my life.
The way I see it, I have a great opportunity. I was lost, I forgot who I was. I let myself be consumed. Now I get to reinvent. I get to figure out who I am and what I require to feel good. With a paddle in my hand I am ready to get started and make my way to shore.
Heres to new beginnings.